Don't do it. You will be tempted but I am telling you for your own good, resist. Do not look at the calender. Do not check your phone. And whatever you do, DO NOT scroll to the bottom of this post and check the date. You just did it didn't you? Sigh...well just don't do the mental math. Oh you did already? So now you have realized the dilemma, the very thing I was trying to spare you from. You have come to the stark realization that Christmas is less than two weeks away. That's right, t-minus 12 days and counting. Now maybe you are one of those "smart" people who have all your presents bought and wrapped in pretty paper with dainty bows on top and are just simply waiting for Christmas to get here. But if you are like me and everyone else your shopping list doesn't seem to get shorter, the parties-to-attend list gets longer and time just simply seems to vanish. I thought I was in the "smart" peoples category but then I realized I have these little people called nieces and nephews who would like something from Uncle Travis but they seem to fail to realize that Uncle Travis doesn't have the financial means to buy each of them a pony. Add to this the unfamiliar custom of trying to buy a meaningful gift for my girlfriend (just a note here that I am certainly not complaining about this) and my mind has been about frazzled. I was scrolling through facebook the other day and noticed a post from a friend of mine. In it she talked about making lots of "x-mas" cookies. I of course had to mention that its Christmas not x-mas which she in good humor explained to me the reasoning for using the different term. She pointed out that Christmas is (rightfully so) about the birth of Christ and His love for us and should be focused on thanking Him for the best gift of all, while she used the term x-mas for all the busyness of the season; making cookies, going to plays, buying presents and the general commercialization of Christmas. My answer to this was that while it is true that so many things can distract us this time of year, we should be doing those "x-mas" things in the true spirit of Christmas, with our hearts and minds constantly mindful of the true Gift we are celebrating. Its easy to lament the commercialization and distortion of what Christmas is really about but I think that is just our human nature to be distracted by things that shouldn't matter in relation to the greatness of the message attached to the season. We are all familiar with the story of the birth of Christ, how there was no room in the inn for Mary and Joseph so they were relegated to the stable. Is this just a coincidence in the story? I don't think anything in the Bible is just a coincidence and I believe it paints a good picture of our own modern misplaced priorities. Did Mary and Joseph tell the inn keeper they were about to deliver the Son of God? Did the inn keeper not believe them or simply not care? Was it a case of the highest bidder gets a room, despite the obvious need of very pregnant woman? Who knows. But we know what that infant boy born that night went on to do for us; to live and die and then rise again to cover our sins. Let us find room in the inn of our hearts this Christmas season for Him, the Baby Jesus, the Savior Jesus Christ, God our Father and the Holy Spirit that dwells in us now.
Merry Christmas, and God bless!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Peace
What do you think of when you hear the word "peace"? Is it a word you only think about when you hear it on the news, describing some far away countries? In those cases it normally seems to be in the context of a lack of peace or unstable peace. In America we enjoy a pretty fair reality of peace, war being a removed idea for most of us, the exception being those who serve in the armed forces. This, as I see it, is a problem.
Why is peace a problem? Well as sinful people we a predisposed to strive, war and fight.
Isaiah 59:7-8 "Their feet run to evil, and they are swift to shed innocent blood; their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; desolation and destruction are in their highways. The way of peace they do not know, and there is no justice in their paths; they have made their roads crooked; no one who treads on them knows peace."
The whole chapter of Isaiah 59 gives examples of how people fight and strive apart from God and the futility of it. So what is it you "war" with? What are the "battles" you face? Do you fight and claw your way up the ladder to get a better job? Do you wrestle everyday with who you are supposed to marry or finding contentment in being single? Is it family, friends, or co-workers that you bicker with? And most importantly do you fight with God in your heart?
This may seem like an odd question, one that needs some clarification. First off you must be a Christian to even begin to find peace in God. The Bible is full of verses about the enmity between God and unbelievers and not why I wanted to write this piece so I will skip over that for now, but if you have any questions I would love to discuss them. But as a Christian do you find peace in God? You have peace with God through Christs' finished work on the cross, but do you find an all consuming comforting peace in Him?
Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
I always read this verse wrong, thinking it said the peace of God passes all understanding, as if the peace of God gave us understanding, and while that might be partially true, what it really says is much more profound. The peace we have in God surpasses understanding, as in it goes beyond our comprehension, or at least should. When we are worried about jobs or relationships or money or any other myriad of things, as Christians we should have a peace that not only unbelievers can't understand but even we should be baffled by how complete His peace is. I admit that too many times I am quick to try to find my own answer or solution to a problem, or just simply allow the problem to tumble in my mind instead of turning to God for comfort. Does this mean we won't have problems? Absolutely not. God has promised us suffering and strife. This life was not meant to be easy. But He has promised to give us peace as long as we turn to Him. The struggles and hardships we face are meant to teach us reliance on Him.
John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
As I studied peace this verse stuck out to me the most. It is spoken by Jesus Christ shortly before He would be crucified for my sins. How can I have peace in a man who promises me tribulation and would suffer a brutal death? Because of that last statement "I have overcome the world." Sure, He died, but validated His claim by rising 3 days later. There is nothing here on earth that I can go through that He can't sympathize with or the He didn't face Himself. Not only did He face it, but He overcame it all. And that thought, coupled with the fact that He now sits with God the Father, making intercession for me brings me peace indescribable.
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
Why is peace a problem? Well as sinful people we a predisposed to strive, war and fight.
Isaiah 59:7-8 "Their feet run to evil, and they are swift to shed innocent blood; their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; desolation and destruction are in their highways. The way of peace they do not know, and there is no justice in their paths; they have made their roads crooked; no one who treads on them knows peace."
The whole chapter of Isaiah 59 gives examples of how people fight and strive apart from God and the futility of it. So what is it you "war" with? What are the "battles" you face? Do you fight and claw your way up the ladder to get a better job? Do you wrestle everyday with who you are supposed to marry or finding contentment in being single? Is it family, friends, or co-workers that you bicker with? And most importantly do you fight with God in your heart?
This may seem like an odd question, one that needs some clarification. First off you must be a Christian to even begin to find peace in God. The Bible is full of verses about the enmity between God and unbelievers and not why I wanted to write this piece so I will skip over that for now, but if you have any questions I would love to discuss them. But as a Christian do you find peace in God? You have peace with God through Christs' finished work on the cross, but do you find an all consuming comforting peace in Him?
Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
I always read this verse wrong, thinking it said the peace of God passes all understanding, as if the peace of God gave us understanding, and while that might be partially true, what it really says is much more profound. The peace we have in God surpasses understanding, as in it goes beyond our comprehension, or at least should. When we are worried about jobs or relationships or money or any other myriad of things, as Christians we should have a peace that not only unbelievers can't understand but even we should be baffled by how complete His peace is. I admit that too many times I am quick to try to find my own answer or solution to a problem, or just simply allow the problem to tumble in my mind instead of turning to God for comfort. Does this mean we won't have problems? Absolutely not. God has promised us suffering and strife. This life was not meant to be easy. But He has promised to give us peace as long as we turn to Him. The struggles and hardships we face are meant to teach us reliance on Him.
John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
As I studied peace this verse stuck out to me the most. It is spoken by Jesus Christ shortly before He would be crucified for my sins. How can I have peace in a man who promises me tribulation and would suffer a brutal death? Because of that last statement "I have overcome the world." Sure, He died, but validated His claim by rising 3 days later. There is nothing here on earth that I can go through that He can't sympathize with or the He didn't face Himself. Not only did He face it, but He overcame it all. And that thought, coupled with the fact that He now sits with God the Father, making intercession for me brings me peace indescribable.
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
Monday, November 7, 2011
Hope
Hope: now there is a broad subject. At its base it is a pretty generic term, used commonly without much thought or deep meaning. We hope to get to work on time, hope for a promotion, hope our team wins the game, just generally hope something good happens in any given situation. But the definition according to Webster is deeper and more specific than that. "To cherish a desire with anticipation" certainly sounds more poetic and involved than a catchy presidential campaign motto(sorry, had to throw that shot in there). Not just to want something to happen or even desire or anticipate an event. The key word in that definition is Cherish. "To entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely" is the description I like best of cherish. When you hope to get to work on time it is simply a passing thought, a desire to maybe appease your boss or simply avoid their wrath. It may be a thought of getting in and out of work quickly so you can do something you truly cherish. But this is not real hope. You are not eagerly anticipating getting to work and odds are you don't cherish work to the extent of anticipation and desire to be there.
So what defines hope? I think that varies from person to person, based upon where you are at, your individual struggles, beliefs and desires in life. For me I hope a lot of things: I hope that God continues to work in me, to refine me and purify me. I hope He continues to work His redeeming grace through me and use me to show His love to others. I hope that God leads me and my future wife's heart together and to love her as Christ loves me. I hope to love my family more. I hope in the salvation He has freely given to me to secure a place in His presence for all eternity. These are all things I cherish deeply and eagerly anticipate with all the giddiness of a child on Christmas morning. How about you? What do you hope for? I would love to hear what you cherish and desire.
I do genuinely hope this has blessed you in some way and maybe challenged you to take stock of where and in whom we place our hope. Too many times I place my hope in things that disappoint and fail to satisfy. When we "hope" in something lets ask if it is something we truly cherish or whether we should cherish it. There is one person, Jesus Christ, who we can hope in and put all our other hopes into and will never be disappointed. He should be our ultimate hope, the ultimate desire that we cherish with anticipation.
Ps 39:7 "And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you."(ESV)
Hebrews 6: 13-20 "13For when God made a promise to Abraham, since He had no one greater by whom to swear, He swore by Himself, 14saying, "Surely I will bless you and multiply you." 15And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. 16For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. 17So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of His purpose, He guaranteed it with an oath, 18so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. 19We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, 20where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek." (ESV)
So what defines hope? I think that varies from person to person, based upon where you are at, your individual struggles, beliefs and desires in life. For me I hope a lot of things: I hope that God continues to work in me, to refine me and purify me. I hope He continues to work His redeeming grace through me and use me to show His love to others. I hope that God leads me and my future wife's heart together and to love her as Christ loves me. I hope to love my family more. I hope in the salvation He has freely given to me to secure a place in His presence for all eternity. These are all things I cherish deeply and eagerly anticipate with all the giddiness of a child on Christmas morning. How about you? What do you hope for? I would love to hear what you cherish and desire.
I do genuinely hope this has blessed you in some way and maybe challenged you to take stock of where and in whom we place our hope. Too many times I place my hope in things that disappoint and fail to satisfy. When we "hope" in something lets ask if it is something we truly cherish or whether we should cherish it. There is one person, Jesus Christ, who we can hope in and put all our other hopes into and will never be disappointed. He should be our ultimate hope, the ultimate desire that we cherish with anticipation.
Ps 39:7 "And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you."(ESV)
Hebrews 6: 13-20 "13For when God made a promise to Abraham, since He had no one greater by whom to swear, He swore by Himself, 14saying, "Surely I will bless you and multiply you." 15And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. 16For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. 17So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of His purpose, He guaranteed it with an oath, 18so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. 19We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, 20where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek." (ESV)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Musings of a Wild Man: Glory
Its amazing how 3 months of unemployment can erase 8 years of damage done by working. Quitting was an almost immediate relief and I would liken it to the blind receiving sight when I walked out of Sams nearly 3 months ago. When I walked into that building at 19 years old I was a happy, loving kid. Sure, I was far from perfect and definitely had my vices but by and large was a good kid. I didn't cuss, never drank and regularly attended church. As I look back at that time I can see the problems, the hidden sins that were laying in wait to undermine me when I was exposed to the full brunt of the worlds influence, but the me back then was so much closer to God than the me that was barely drawing breath the day before I left. Make no mistake; I am to blame for my own abandonment of my walk with God. There is no excuse, no explanation acceptable for my desertion of the Truth. That said though, 8 years of consistent hammering of the worlds lies and temptations took a devastating toll on my soul. Examining the Travis that entered Sams, the Travis the day before I quit, the Travis the very next day, and the Travis today would be a character study worthy of millions of pages in contrast. But that is not the point of this blog, not to look back at where I was and what I was, but where I am and what God has made me.
One of the things I hated most about Sams was the "retail curse" of an ever changing schedule and the lack of weekends off. I missed untold events from family birthday parties to church retreats to such mundane things as hockey games because retail scheduling by its nature forces you to work when the vast majority of people are off. My commitment in this time of freedom has been to engage in as many of these activities that I was inhibited from before and have been so blessed by it. Simple things such as getting coffee with friends on a Saturday to spending a weekend with family in Estes Park have made a huge step in filling in the missing times I experienced while working. And in all of these things I have been astounded by this simple truth that I know I over looked too many times: The all-surpassing Glory of God.
The weekend I spent with family in Rocky Mountain National Park really began this realization. I could write for hours on the majesty of elk and the beauty I see in them and the haunting song an elk bugling plays in my soul, but what struck me most that trip was the grandeur of the mountains. On Friday afternoon the weather was perfect and after lunch I took my Bible out to a deck by our cabin and began reading. The Big Thompson river rambled on steady down the hill below me, the sun cast its warming rays over me and Longs Peak stood jagged against the skyline rising defiantly over the foothills nearer the cabin. I would agree there probably isn't a bad place to read Gods Word, but I argue there isn't a better place. That morning we had hiked up to Dream Lake to fish and I had hiked up further to Emerald Lake. Emerald lake is nestled in a glacial basin, fed by a tiny waterfall of snowmelt that falls down a sheer rock wall a hundred feet to the lake. Towering to the left is a monstrous rock face, rising abruptly out of the loose scree a thousand feet straight up. Jagged spires rise to the right, dangerous yet invitingly beautiful. It was here that I was struck with the full force of Gods glory. In this place I could feel my insignificance. A tiny man, not even six feet tall I was surrounded by giant monoliths of rock and snow. My heart couldn't help but quake at the glory of Gods creation. Yet a small whisper filled my soul, a resounding truth echoed through me; "You can bring me greater glory than all this". Yes, Gods creation is magnificent and awe-inspiring. But He has chosen us, you, me, to bring Him glory. His power to create the wonders our eyes behold and our senses experience in the mountains and wild places bring him immense glory. But I testify to His ability to redeem a sinful man such as me, to change and mold my heart to worship Him should bring Him infinite more glory!
Psalms 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork.
One of the things I hated most about Sams was the "retail curse" of an ever changing schedule and the lack of weekends off. I missed untold events from family birthday parties to church retreats to such mundane things as hockey games because retail scheduling by its nature forces you to work when the vast majority of people are off. My commitment in this time of freedom has been to engage in as many of these activities that I was inhibited from before and have been so blessed by it. Simple things such as getting coffee with friends on a Saturday to spending a weekend with family in Estes Park have made a huge step in filling in the missing times I experienced while working. And in all of these things I have been astounded by this simple truth that I know I over looked too many times: The all-surpassing Glory of God.
The weekend I spent with family in Rocky Mountain National Park really began this realization. I could write for hours on the majesty of elk and the beauty I see in them and the haunting song an elk bugling plays in my soul, but what struck me most that trip was the grandeur of the mountains. On Friday afternoon the weather was perfect and after lunch I took my Bible out to a deck by our cabin and began reading. The Big Thompson river rambled on steady down the hill below me, the sun cast its warming rays over me and Longs Peak stood jagged against the skyline rising defiantly over the foothills nearer the cabin. I would agree there probably isn't a bad place to read Gods Word, but I argue there isn't a better place. That morning we had hiked up to Dream Lake to fish and I had hiked up further to Emerald Lake. Emerald lake is nestled in a glacial basin, fed by a tiny waterfall of snowmelt that falls down a sheer rock wall a hundred feet to the lake. Towering to the left is a monstrous rock face, rising abruptly out of the loose scree a thousand feet straight up. Jagged spires rise to the right, dangerous yet invitingly beautiful. It was here that I was struck with the full force of Gods glory. In this place I could feel my insignificance. A tiny man, not even six feet tall I was surrounded by giant monoliths of rock and snow. My heart couldn't help but quake at the glory of Gods creation. Yet a small whisper filled my soul, a resounding truth echoed through me; "You can bring me greater glory than all this". Yes, Gods creation is magnificent and awe-inspiring. But He has chosen us, you, me, to bring Him glory. His power to create the wonders our eyes behold and our senses experience in the mountains and wild places bring him immense glory. But I testify to His ability to redeem a sinful man such as me, to change and mold my heart to worship Him should bring Him infinite more glory!
Psalms 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork.
Monday, August 22, 2011
In the wild I belong
Here alone in the dark the fire crackles. Cool crisp air dances soft like a spiders web along my skin, tracing a delicate path where the fires warmth lacks. A sudden hiss and pop showers sparks like renegade fireflys cutting loose into the night. Pines tower above, their pitch black silhouette barely standing free of the dark sky that lies like a blanket over the horizons shoulders. Stars shimmer out of the night, as if there is pure white light behind a black piece of paper with tiny holes poked through it. Mountains draw a jagged line, reflecting back an inverse image in the inky glass lake, making you feel that if you stared at it long enough you may not know which was actually up. The rush of the stream sounds up the hill, pulling its water and my worries away on its wandering path to the sea. From the night a long and haunting bugle reaches out, teasing the hair on my neck to stand, a shiver to run down my spine. The majestic sound fades, answered by another call farther off, natures finest symphony playing on through the night. It is here my heart is home, my soul finds peace. Hunkering down further into myself as the embers slowly fade and die I come alive with each breath, sight and sound. In the wild I belong. In the wild, I belong.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Musings of a Wild Man: Predators
Just a heads up, this will be a little long winded, but I tried to cut it as short as possible. I could practically write a book on this, and may touch on it more in a future blog.
Last week I was stuck in the break room at work watching "Oprah". This is obviously not a show I watch regularly but I'm glad I caught this episode. There was a lady on there flaunting the advantages of a vegan diet. Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, vegan is a step beyond vegetarian. Besides not only cutting all meat from their diet a vegan won't consume any products directly derived from an animal. No milk, no eggs, no cheese; if it comes from an animal or out of an animal or off of an animal, even naturally they won't eat it. This lady then went on a shopping trip with a family to show them all the alternatives to animal based food products they could use. Soy cheese and milk, boca burgers, chicken "substitute" and so on. Now I could rant all day about the silliness of being self righteous enough to swear off a huge portion of edible food but having to admit that you can't live without the taste of those very things you swore off. So instead you engineer substitutes out of plants and seasonings, mashing them together to try to trick you brain into enjoying the very thing you vowed to never eat. Now before anyone grabs a pitchfork and heads for my house I know many of these "substitutes" may have been formulated with good intentions for people with severe food allergies and that is all fine and well. But I would argue the vast (and rapidly increasing) "food substitute" market is driven by house-wives with too much time on their hands who think some lady on Oprah should stipulate their families diet.
This so called expert on Oprah said her reasoning for adopting this vegan diet was because of a visit to a beef slaughter house. After seeing the process of a cow being slaughtered, from the quick, clean killing to the gutting, skinning and breaking the animal down into "primals" she came to this conclusion: (I can't remember word for word what she said, but this is a close paraphrase) "After seeing the suffering and fear those animals went through I couldn't as a human being feel o.k about what we were putting them through." Human beings have been eating animals, and the milk and eggs they provide, since we began for one simple reason; we are predators. Biblically we have eaten meat since the fall of Adam and Eve. Nature has another way of showing us how to separate the predators from the prey; predators have forward fixed eyes, to watch and attack their prey. Prey have outward facing eyes, to watch for danger while feeding on grass( think of the difference between a wolf and a deer). Now I don't have the space or time or research to defend commercial slaughter house techniques, but as a meat cutter I can assure you that all the animals are as humanely and properly treated as is reasonable without having to pay $15/lb for ground beef. Instead what I will do is share a story, a moment that I realized absolutely that I was a predator. This story may actually turn people away from my point if they miss the real message but its worth a shot.
It was my third year hunting and it was the first year I was going to be able to hunt alone. I had killed a couple elk before and an antelope, but those had been under the watchful eye and guiding hand of my dad. Now I would be stepping into the woods on my own, a right of passage into manhood few will get to experience. Not only was I now in charge of what and when to shoot, my very life was at stake. Keeping track of my surroundings, staying safe, and not getting lost were now solely on my shoulders. The woods had never, nor have since, ever felt so big. I hunted a ridge that I was familiar with though, easy to navigate and surrounded by obvious landmarks and roads making getting lost a very small probability. The morning passed uneventful and I was working my way back to the meeting point for a ride out to lunch. I caught movement in front of me as black legs danced through the thick timber. My heart rate tripled in the space of a single beat and adrenaline flooded my veins. There were 5 elk, moving perpendicular to me at a slow jog, heading up towards the top of the ridge, but at the last second they veered back towards me, almost in a direct line. They flattened out to run in a straight line horizontal to the ridge line and I quickly picked out a spot in the trees as the first one passed through. When the third animal passed through I fired. With the recoil of the gun and how quickly they were moving I have no idea if I connected on that shot. I quickly reloaded and picked another hole, waiting for the last one to come through this time to give me a few extra seconds to steady my shot. The blast rang loud and clear but still no sign of a hit. Reload and shoot, again at the last one in line with the same invisible result. At this point I stopped shooting for two reasons; I was down to my last shell in the gun and needed to reload from the pouch on my hip and because I wasn't certain if I had hit any or both of the animals or possibly 3 if they had changed positions while I was reloading. As I shakily pushed the last bullet into my gun and chambered it I looked up as the last elk disappeared from sight. Except for one. I quickly raised my gun, bringing the lone elk into view as it looked down the hill at me. Instantly pain stabbed me; the "tousled" hair on its forehead a dead giveaway of the elks youth; it was a calf. My tag was for an antlerless elk, so I was perfectly legal in shooting him, but it wouldn't weight as much and subsequently feed less and something about killing something so young seemed wrong. I couldn't get a shot, or at least a clean broad side one, with him facing down the hill towards me so I began to slowly circle up to his left. I lost sight of him a couple times through the thick trees, but soon saw him again, bedded down up against a tree. His eyes locked with mine, the look of prey knowing it has been bested and its life about to end to the predator, a sight that will forever stick in my mind. His breathing was raspy, a hole in the side of his chest making a gurgling sound with each labored breath. A quick clean kill was my responsibility as a human being and so I raised the rifle and fired another round. More blood spilled to the ground. The elk just kept looking at me showing no indication of pain. Was he hurting immensely? Was he scared from being alone now and having a predator this close? Undoubtedly. But he just kept staring back at me, the last seconds of his life dwindling. Even after that second bullet struck home it seemed to take an eternity for him to perish but the idea of sending another round into the elk seemed wrong. He had taken two 150 grain bullets fired from a .270 Winchester and acted like he was nothing more than a little tired, he deserved the few extra seconds he had. And as I looked at him I felt sadness myself. I didn't enjoy taking his life. The hunt was exhilarating, heart-pounding and breath taking. Even the shooting, knowing its end result, had all been part of the unique experience that brings me back to the woods every year. But ending this animals life was heart wrenching and breath taking all on its own. In his eyes those last moments though I found a peace. He was the about to die, but he looked at me with an understanding. He was prey; he knew it since the day his mom dropped him to the ground and began nudging him with her nose to get him on his feet and moving before any other predators found them. Even before my shots rang out they were undoubtedly on the move from another close brush with a hunter. His short life had been learning to live, to simply escape any trouble by fleeing. And as he looked at me, his purpose drew to an end, his role fulfilled. I stood, the predator, my goal of sustaining my own life fulfilled. He had given his life for me, not purposefully, for that wouldn't be a prey and predator but symbiotic, and now as a predator it was my duty to use that taken life to sustain mine.
I have looked into the very eyes of an animal with the intent and capability of ending its life. And I pulled the trigger. It is because of this I believe I respect an animals life more than a vegan every could. Because I know that animals purpose: to give its life. And I know mine: to be a predator.
Last week I was stuck in the break room at work watching "Oprah". This is obviously not a show I watch regularly but I'm glad I caught this episode. There was a lady on there flaunting the advantages of a vegan diet. Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, vegan is a step beyond vegetarian. Besides not only cutting all meat from their diet a vegan won't consume any products directly derived from an animal. No milk, no eggs, no cheese; if it comes from an animal or out of an animal or off of an animal, even naturally they won't eat it. This lady then went on a shopping trip with a family to show them all the alternatives to animal based food products they could use. Soy cheese and milk, boca burgers, chicken "substitute" and so on. Now I could rant all day about the silliness of being self righteous enough to swear off a huge portion of edible food but having to admit that you can't live without the taste of those very things you swore off. So instead you engineer substitutes out of plants and seasonings, mashing them together to try to trick you brain into enjoying the very thing you vowed to never eat. Now before anyone grabs a pitchfork and heads for my house I know many of these "substitutes" may have been formulated with good intentions for people with severe food allergies and that is all fine and well. But I would argue the vast (and rapidly increasing) "food substitute" market is driven by house-wives with too much time on their hands who think some lady on Oprah should stipulate their families diet.
This so called expert on Oprah said her reasoning for adopting this vegan diet was because of a visit to a beef slaughter house. After seeing the process of a cow being slaughtered, from the quick, clean killing to the gutting, skinning and breaking the animal down into "primals" she came to this conclusion: (I can't remember word for word what she said, but this is a close paraphrase) "After seeing the suffering and fear those animals went through I couldn't as a human being feel o.k about what we were putting them through." Human beings have been eating animals, and the milk and eggs they provide, since we began for one simple reason; we are predators. Biblically we have eaten meat since the fall of Adam and Eve. Nature has another way of showing us how to separate the predators from the prey; predators have forward fixed eyes, to watch and attack their prey. Prey have outward facing eyes, to watch for danger while feeding on grass( think of the difference between a wolf and a deer). Now I don't have the space or time or research to defend commercial slaughter house techniques, but as a meat cutter I can assure you that all the animals are as humanely and properly treated as is reasonable without having to pay $15/lb for ground beef. Instead what I will do is share a story, a moment that I realized absolutely that I was a predator. This story may actually turn people away from my point if they miss the real message but its worth a shot.
It was my third year hunting and it was the first year I was going to be able to hunt alone. I had killed a couple elk before and an antelope, but those had been under the watchful eye and guiding hand of my dad. Now I would be stepping into the woods on my own, a right of passage into manhood few will get to experience. Not only was I now in charge of what and when to shoot, my very life was at stake. Keeping track of my surroundings, staying safe, and not getting lost were now solely on my shoulders. The woods had never, nor have since, ever felt so big. I hunted a ridge that I was familiar with though, easy to navigate and surrounded by obvious landmarks and roads making getting lost a very small probability. The morning passed uneventful and I was working my way back to the meeting point for a ride out to lunch. I caught movement in front of me as black legs danced through the thick timber. My heart rate tripled in the space of a single beat and adrenaline flooded my veins. There were 5 elk, moving perpendicular to me at a slow jog, heading up towards the top of the ridge, but at the last second they veered back towards me, almost in a direct line. They flattened out to run in a straight line horizontal to the ridge line and I quickly picked out a spot in the trees as the first one passed through. When the third animal passed through I fired. With the recoil of the gun and how quickly they were moving I have no idea if I connected on that shot. I quickly reloaded and picked another hole, waiting for the last one to come through this time to give me a few extra seconds to steady my shot. The blast rang loud and clear but still no sign of a hit. Reload and shoot, again at the last one in line with the same invisible result. At this point I stopped shooting for two reasons; I was down to my last shell in the gun and needed to reload from the pouch on my hip and because I wasn't certain if I had hit any or both of the animals or possibly 3 if they had changed positions while I was reloading. As I shakily pushed the last bullet into my gun and chambered it I looked up as the last elk disappeared from sight. Except for one. I quickly raised my gun, bringing the lone elk into view as it looked down the hill at me. Instantly pain stabbed me; the "tousled" hair on its forehead a dead giveaway of the elks youth; it was a calf. My tag was for an antlerless elk, so I was perfectly legal in shooting him, but it wouldn't weight as much and subsequently feed less and something about killing something so young seemed wrong. I couldn't get a shot, or at least a clean broad side one, with him facing down the hill towards me so I began to slowly circle up to his left. I lost sight of him a couple times through the thick trees, but soon saw him again, bedded down up against a tree. His eyes locked with mine, the look of prey knowing it has been bested and its life about to end to the predator, a sight that will forever stick in my mind. His breathing was raspy, a hole in the side of his chest making a gurgling sound with each labored breath. A quick clean kill was my responsibility as a human being and so I raised the rifle and fired another round. More blood spilled to the ground. The elk just kept looking at me showing no indication of pain. Was he hurting immensely? Was he scared from being alone now and having a predator this close? Undoubtedly. But he just kept staring back at me, the last seconds of his life dwindling. Even after that second bullet struck home it seemed to take an eternity for him to perish but the idea of sending another round into the elk seemed wrong. He had taken two 150 grain bullets fired from a .270 Winchester and acted like he was nothing more than a little tired, he deserved the few extra seconds he had. And as I looked at him I felt sadness myself. I didn't enjoy taking his life. The hunt was exhilarating, heart-pounding and breath taking. Even the shooting, knowing its end result, had all been part of the unique experience that brings me back to the woods every year. But ending this animals life was heart wrenching and breath taking all on its own. In his eyes those last moments though I found a peace. He was the about to die, but he looked at me with an understanding. He was prey; he knew it since the day his mom dropped him to the ground and began nudging him with her nose to get him on his feet and moving before any other predators found them. Even before my shots rang out they were undoubtedly on the move from another close brush with a hunter. His short life had been learning to live, to simply escape any trouble by fleeing. And as he looked at me, his purpose drew to an end, his role fulfilled. I stood, the predator, my goal of sustaining my own life fulfilled. He had given his life for me, not purposefully, for that wouldn't be a prey and predator but symbiotic, and now as a predator it was my duty to use that taken life to sustain mine.
I have looked into the very eyes of an animal with the intent and capability of ending its life. And I pulled the trigger. It is because of this I believe I respect an animals life more than a vegan every could. Because I know that animals purpose: to give its life. And I know mine: to be a predator.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Night and Day
Night
I stand with my feet pointing down a path of utter self destructionTendrils of insanity wrap around my ankles and I allow them to pull me along
This downhill slide is preferable to the mad scrample up the slippery slopes of hope and reason
Wreckless abandon consumes me allowing me to follow this crusade of sacrifice
Self preservation melted away with my self respect and self worth
Crushed beneath the weight of unbearable loss, I tumble down into the dark on my knees
The amount of abuse any particular man can take might be higher but I have reached my limit
Daggers of heart break are as cold steel on my neck as I prepare to leap from the ledge
A last look into the hollow eyes of my sorry reflection show one last insult
There is nothing left for me to destroy, she already annihilated all I was, all I could be
Day
I stand with my feet firmly planted on top the mountain of exctasy
Eternal hope the prime factor that drove me here now also anchors me here
The sweat on my brow a sweet reminder of the journey that brought me here
Gusts of pride and joy propelled me onwards and upwards
Self concerns are shunned, the reward of accomplishment the truest satisfaction
Though weary I am supported by the knowledge of goals accomplished and dreams realized
Many men had tried before and failed to reach this summit I now alone occupied
The embracing arms of love wrap me tight as I gaze at the beauty before me
Contentment and peace are clear to see in my eyes, which is second to only one thing
That those same sentiments are shining in her eyes, all that matters resides there too
p.s. This isn't inspired by any particular person, either day or night. Rather it was just a creative exercise, nothing more. I'm not suicidal, nor am I in love lol. I just thought it was a cool idea to represent both sentiments of loss and happiness in dueling compositions. Let me know what you think :-)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Musings of a Wild Man: Natures Call
What is it about nature that calls out to me? When all else fails me, why do I seek out refuge and solace in the wild places of quiet solitude? The answer can't be in Natures solitude alone; if that were the answer there are plenty of places I can be alone without stepping foot into the wilderness, indeed leaving my house isn't warranted to be seperated from human contact. As a self affirmed introvert I can be in the middle of a crowded room and feel as if I'm on a deserted island, so escaping from actual fellow physical human people isn't even necessary.
What then mystical power do the trees and rocks have to heal and calm my soul? The answer lies in the refuge itself: Nature brings me back to my natural state. As a human race we were born into nature, no matter what religion or belief you hold it is common ground amongst us all that we weren't created into a world of sky-scrapers, air conditioned houses and fast food. No, every race from the beginning of time has found its origin in lowly means of being created, growing and thriving from the wild. This, nature, is our starting point, and no matter our historical removal from it, is where our hearts long to return. For some, maybe even you, this call is muted, hidden behind the buzz of commercial, societal, and modern chaos. Others, like myself, can hear this summons, hidden even as it is underneath the loud shouts of the world as we know it, can feel it pulling at our souls and hearts.
For the former to ever find themselves immersed in nature will have a feeling of oddness, a peculiar sensation they won't be able to explain except for perhaps a general uneasyness. The silence will feel opressive, the whisper of wind through pine boughs will send shivers down their spine as fingers down a chalk board is likely to produce. They will imagine the dirt beneath their nails as some terrible disease, scrubbing to clean it away lest it spread, a chance encounter with any passing furbearing creature larger than a squirrel will leave them trembling at the certain doom imagined to be looming around the next tree. Nature will scare them. Not actively, contrary to belief, for Nature doesn't take purposeful action, instead passively showing them how far they have fallen from their original state. It is here, surrounded by nothing in the wilderness, that these people will realize what they are missing; the joy of simply exsisting. And rather than admitting to this void in their lives, they will rush back to the familiar embrace of society and status, the complex lies they have created to affirm what Nature used to, finding a false peace in the worlds whisper of "You exsist....you exsist...you exsist".
For those like myself we are not immune to the worlds subtle temptations of easy living and frivilous concerns, but inside, engrained upon our hearts and coursing through our veins with each beat is Natures alluring call of "You belong to Me...you belong to Me...you belong to Me". When we are finally reunited into the wilderness and forests its as if we never left, the ecosystem around us more home than any man made structure. Sunlight dappling through the trees clearer and crisper than any tv can replicate, the smooth bark of an aspen tree beneath the fingers softer than a lovers touch. It is in this state that one can truely understand the meaning of life in Nature, that to exsist is all that matters. Societal standing, money, fame, love even; all are stripped bare here to the basest desire, that to inhale and exhale are all that are necessary for contentment. And this is the answer to why the call of the Wild is impossible for me to not heed. For here, enveloped in the quiet of Nature my heart can find serenity.
What then mystical power do the trees and rocks have to heal and calm my soul? The answer lies in the refuge itself: Nature brings me back to my natural state. As a human race we were born into nature, no matter what religion or belief you hold it is common ground amongst us all that we weren't created into a world of sky-scrapers, air conditioned houses and fast food. No, every race from the beginning of time has found its origin in lowly means of being created, growing and thriving from the wild. This, nature, is our starting point, and no matter our historical removal from it, is where our hearts long to return. For some, maybe even you, this call is muted, hidden behind the buzz of commercial, societal, and modern chaos. Others, like myself, can hear this summons, hidden even as it is underneath the loud shouts of the world as we know it, can feel it pulling at our souls and hearts.
For the former to ever find themselves immersed in nature will have a feeling of oddness, a peculiar sensation they won't be able to explain except for perhaps a general uneasyness. The silence will feel opressive, the whisper of wind through pine boughs will send shivers down their spine as fingers down a chalk board is likely to produce. They will imagine the dirt beneath their nails as some terrible disease, scrubbing to clean it away lest it spread, a chance encounter with any passing furbearing creature larger than a squirrel will leave them trembling at the certain doom imagined to be looming around the next tree. Nature will scare them. Not actively, contrary to belief, for Nature doesn't take purposeful action, instead passively showing them how far they have fallen from their original state. It is here, surrounded by nothing in the wilderness, that these people will realize what they are missing; the joy of simply exsisting. And rather than admitting to this void in their lives, they will rush back to the familiar embrace of society and status, the complex lies they have created to affirm what Nature used to, finding a false peace in the worlds whisper of "You exsist....you exsist...you exsist".
For those like myself we are not immune to the worlds subtle temptations of easy living and frivilous concerns, but inside, engrained upon our hearts and coursing through our veins with each beat is Natures alluring call of "You belong to Me...you belong to Me...you belong to Me". When we are finally reunited into the wilderness and forests its as if we never left, the ecosystem around us more home than any man made structure. Sunlight dappling through the trees clearer and crisper than any tv can replicate, the smooth bark of an aspen tree beneath the fingers softer than a lovers touch. It is in this state that one can truely understand the meaning of life in Nature, that to exsist is all that matters. Societal standing, money, fame, love even; all are stripped bare here to the basest desire, that to inhale and exhale are all that are necessary for contentment. And this is the answer to why the call of the Wild is impossible for me to not heed. For here, enveloped in the quiet of Nature my heart can find serenity.
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