Thursday, October 3, 2013

How I became who I am

            It is my father’s fault I am a cold blooded killer. Then again, I am sure he never envisioned me turning out this way.  He would say he was simply passing on a family tradition, showing me the way he had been taught by his father.  Yes, I certainly have my own share of blame in the process. Now I look back with fond memories of the first time my father handed me a gun and took me hunting.  What started as father/son bonding time has grown and taken on a life of its own. I could never have anticipated how the passion of hunting would shape me like it has though.  
            The lessons I learned the first couple of years are many, and they have stuck with and impacted me deeply.  The knowledge my father imparted to his young wide-eyed son were not deep scientific theories, or even lofty theological ideas. Instead, he guided me through several moral philosophies that apply just as profoundly to everyday life as they do to hunting.  Even though we are the hunter, killing isn’t the point. Even when it’s wet, windy, and cold, we are here to hunt, so hunting we will go. Even though we find great satisfaction in success, we rejoice all the more with others accomplishments.  Most importantly, we are successful regardless of filling our tags.  These ideas were hard to absorb as a kid, and still hard to practice as an adult, but I have felt the joy in watching a hunters eyes light up as they describe their triumph.  I have trodden back into camp soaked, and shivering, crumpling into a folding chair pulled close to the wood fireplace. I have learned the real definition of success. 
            As I grew up I found those six days immersed in the wilderness inadequate. Each moment in the woods became a treasure, allowing me to glimpse into the world where the wild animals I pursued spent their entire lives.  Hunting began to morph slowly, changing from a chance for an adrenaline rush and quality family time, into something more intricate. I began reading, and there is no shortage of hunting resources. Magazines, online articles, and books all contained vast amounts of information to improve my success.  I started as a young kid trying not to snap every twig underfoot, to pouring over topographical maps, studying migration corridors, saddles, benches, and a myriad of other geographic clues as to where the elk should be.  Instead of sullenly tramping along, wondering if my dad had anymore candy bars in his pack, I became attentive to wind direction, anticipating its thermal shifts to always keep it in my face.  Subtly I was learning and growing, my path to wildlife literacy gaining momentum.  Then came archery hunting, and learning began anew. Draw weight, length, brace height, and many other factors determine the right bow for each person. I scoured website after website, searching for information on what size and type of bow I would need for my specific build.  Shooting a bow is so different from a rifle there should be a different word for it.  There are muscles used in archery I didn’t know existed, and correct form is essential for accuracy. I worked and worked on it, establishing a solid anchor spot, and went to a local archery shop for tuning help and questions.  Hunting with a bow has provided a plethora of learning opportunities, as I now have to get closer to the animals than ever before. There is an intimacy of being so close to a wild animal, noticing things not seen before. All this led me deeper into the world of hunting literacy, morphing from days in the field to now a hunger for more scientific knowledge. 
            In high school I was a bright but un-motivated student. I got decent grades without having to apply much energy, which was fine with me as I had no intention of going to college. I entered the work force but quickly became disillusioned with the life of a retail worker. The nagging question that kept me stuck there had haunted me my entire life: what do I want to be when I grow up? Finally, that answer came to me, as I realized my passion and knowledge of hunting could be used as a career springboard.  Working for the US Forest Service, or the state division of wildlife would allow me to pair my passion for the outdoors with the principles of management, ecology, and biology.  This would require more than a high school diploma though, so I made the step back into formal education. It was different this time though, because each class had meaning. Instead of useless facts, or boring memorization, I could see each lesson applying and grafting itself to a future career. Experience from the woods melded with lectures, and professors’ wisdom echoed when I went hunting.  I noticed a drive to succeed that I never had before, not simply for good grades, but rather to fully understand the wild world that has always fascinated me.  Who I am as a hunter – passionate, driven, curious – became who I am as a student.

            Five more semesters separate me from graduation, and beyond that I doubt my formal education will stop. Years of experience in the woods are hopefully the beginning of the knowledge I will continue to gain firsthand.  Wildlife literacy is not some obtainable benchmark, rather a lifelong lesson, an idea as fluid as evolution itself.  When I go hunting, I am not simply a predator anymore, but a student also. To me the two worlds have become inseparable; the hunter and the student have become one. Maybe they were the same all along.